Hurting
by 8ounce
Summary: (Previously called "Scars".) I changed this one up quite a bit. Read the note at the beginning of chapter 2 if you're already following this. As always, lemme know what you think, I love reviews. T for explicit mentions of self-harm.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Sorry I haven't posted in a while, school's been cray. But here's something short and kinda angsty/sweet to tide you over for now. **

* * *

They ache. The scars on her wrists, her arms, her thighs. There's an ache on certain days, and there are days when they hurt extra badly. There are days when Tori has to stop herself from physically wincing as the flesh under the calloused skin fairly throbs. But the world continues to turn, and she goes on with her day, trying to hide her reaction from colleagues, friends.

* * *

When she gets home she is exhausted, a twelve-hour day at music school surrounded by people has zapped her of her energy. She thinks that Jade must not be home yet, because usually her girlfriend is still at work, having opted to sign a contract as a backup vocalist with a studio out of high school instead of heading off to university as Tori had. She lets her things fall to the ground and collapses onto the couch, cradling her aching wrists to her body, hoping to relieve some of the pain. She shuts her eyes, intent on turning off her brain for a little while. Suddenly, the sofa dips beside her, and she squints, a smile creeping across her face as warm lips find hers.

"Hey." She murmurs, leaning her head back against the couch again and closing her eyes, hissing at the sudden ache in her left wrist. Jade is immediately concerned.

"Babe?" The word is loaded with questions. Tori opens her eyes and tries to force a smile onto her face, pulling a pained grimace instead.

"It's nothing." She mutters, cradling her left wrist in her right hand. Gently, warm fingers find Tori's hand, a pale thumb rubbing soothing circles across her wrist. Wrapping her hands around the tan wrist, Jade warms the rough, scarred skin, to relieve some of the pain.

"What happened?" Concern is still in her voice, and the darker brunette peers into her girlfriend's eyes. Tori shrugged listlessly, but she could feel the pain slowly fading to a more manageable level.

"They just hurt sometimes. I dunno why." At the despondent tone, Jade sighed.

"Well, tell me next time." She placed a sweet kiss on her girlfriend's wrist, before pulling the sleeve back into place.

"It's not a big deal." Tori frowned, allowing her fingers to be laced with Jade's.

"It's not about how big of a deal it is. I just don't like the idea that you've been in pain for an extended period of time. Especially if I can do something about it." A pale thumb rubbed back and forth across the back of a tan hand. Comprehension dawned on the half-Latina.

"Okay. I'll tell you next time." She smiled, as she leaned up for a kiss. Her scars hurt sometimes, but right now they hurt a little less.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, so I think what I'm going to do is make this a series of one-shots of Tori and Jade in pain. Not because I'm sadistic (heh), but because I have no idea how to continue this in a way that I haven't already done before. I hope you still enjoy this anyway. **

* * *

She woke up at 2 am to an empty bed, fumbling sleepily for the warm, tan body that was usually wrapped around her. Lifting her head, Jade frowned, as her hand closed around cold sheets. It was unlike Tori to leave without waking her; the girl was usually snuggled to her side or had her arms wrapped tightly around her. Blinking sleepily, Jade padded out of the room, eyes scanning the empty, dark apartment. Finding nobody, she peered around the corner to the kitchen and frowned.

* * *

"Tor?" She called, her voice coarse with sleep. Running her hands through her hair, she sighed and made her way back into the bedroom, picking up her phone, intent on dialling her girlfriend's phone number when she noticed the bathroom door was closed. "Babe?" She knocked quietly on the door, before twisting the handle. Encountering no resistance, the door opened easily as Jade stepped slowly into the room. Huddled in the corner was Tori, shaking. "Tori, what happened?" Jade kneeled next to her girlfriend and folded her arms around her, lips pressed to the top of her head. Arms wrapped tightly around herself, Tori let out a soft sob. "Oh, babe." Jade sighed, rubbing her hands soothingly up and down her girlfriend's arms. "Shh...it's okay. I got you. Nothing's gonna hurt you." Jade murmured, quietly comforting her. As the sobs died down, Jade continued to hold the half-Latina, and her heart ached for her, face creased with concern. "Tori, what happened?" She asked again, quietly. Slowly, the singer unwrapped her arms around herself, revealing the bloodstained cotton shirt underneath and holding out her arms. Angry, red, bleeding slashes ran down her wrists to her forearms, and Tori stared at them helplessly, hands shaking. Jade stood, opening cupboards and drawers to fumble with medical supplies, before sitting across from Tori, who was still staring at her arms, unflinching. Slowly, pale but warm fingers tilted her chin up, and loving, green eyes stared into pained, amber ones. "I love you, okay? We'll get through this." Jade whispered, a thumb smoothing along her girlfriend's cheek. Tori nodded slowly, and Jade leaned in, pressing their lips together gently. Leaning her forehead against Tori's, Jade breathed, "We'll get through this." Kissing Tori again, she sat back up and focussed her attention on the wounds. "Let's get these cleaned and wrapped up, okay?" The half-Latina nodded, eyes dull and weary from the emotion of the night, soothed by the feeling of pale fingers against her skin, fixing the damage she had done to herself.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Different kind of hurting. Nobody likes strep throat. **

* * *

The pain was woke her. The singer clutched at what felt like a freight train driving through her head, groaning. Curling into a ball, she wriggled slowly under the blankets and into darkness once more, red-hot pain throbbing behind her tightly shut eyes and at her temples. She vaguely felt a pair of cool hands turn her over slowly and feel her forehead before she drifted off again. After what seemed like a very short amount of time, she was shaken awake.

"Tori. Tori!" Jade's voice was anxiety-stricken and urgent as she tried to rouse her girlfriend. After seeing that the singer's temperature was 104, the paler girl tried desperately to wake her. In response, the half-Latina squinted up at her girlfriend and opened her mouth to speak, only to gasp as fire erupted in her throat and she let go of her head, clutching at her throat. Jade reacted quickly, gently supporting her to sit up and bundling her up in a hoodie and slipping on socks, hauling her up in her arms and rushing her to the garage to take her to the hospital.

* * *

"It's just strep throat. Nothing to worry about." The doctor in the ER smiled reassuringly. "I'm sure you gave your girlfriend quite a scare this morning, dear." He chuckled as he wrote out a prescription. "I'm just going to give you a course of antibiotics to take care of the infection, and that should be okay. For the fever, you should take some Tylenol." He ripped off the sheet and handed it to Jade. "You two take care now." Giving them one last smile, he stepped out of the room. Tori blinked slowly; the fever left her feeling groggy and dazed, and the whole meeting with the doctor had passed her by in a blur. She followed Jade to the car, and promptly drifted off again.

* * *

When she woke again, she felt a cool towel resting on her forehead, and the soothing feeling of Jade running her fingers repeatedly through her hair. The TV flickered silently in the living room, and Tori snuggled down and drifted off again.

* * *

Blinking slowly as she opened her eyes, the singer woke once more, noticing her surroundings were different. Jade had carried her back into their bedroom, and had fallen asleep sitting up, Tori's head in her lap. Stretching her legs out a little, the singer shifted her head away so the other girl could sleep lying down, but the raven-haired girl's eyes snapped open.

"Tori?" Emerald eyes dark with sleep flitted around the room, alarmed. Gently, Tori laced their fingers together and patted the bed, indicating Jade should lie down. Relief spread across Jade's face, and she pleated a soft kiss on the singer's forehead. Leaning over, Jade checked the time. "We should get some soup or something in you..." She murmured, laying a hand over the singer's forehead. "Your fever doesn't seem as bad. You wanna take your temperature and I'll make you some chicken noodle?" Tori nodded, as Jade handed her the thermometer. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." With that, Jade padded out of the bedroom.

* * *

After a bowl of soup and countless glasses of water, the singer finally was allowed to cuddle up next to Jade on the couch with a bottle of Gatorade.

"C'mon, babe. You have to replace the fluids your body got rid of." Jade reasoned, as she pushed the blue liquid towards her. Frowning, Tori took a sip, then sighed and buried her head in Jade's neck. "I know, I know. It's rough. I got you, babe. You'll feel a lot better soon. Promise." Cool hands rubbed her back and arms wrapped around her, the comfort lulling Tori back to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Numb. That was what she felt when the voice that crackled across the phone line delivered the news. Coldly, impersonally. The Goth slid down the wall she had been leaning against, pulling her knees to her chest. Her parents, dead, in a car crash. It couldn't be. Her parents were invincible. Unconsciously, a whimper broke past her lips as her heart broke; a cry of pain. Her body felt frozen, knuckles white as her fingers clutched at her shins. It was her day off. The studio didn't call today. But all that slipped from Jade's mind as her world blew apart.

* * *

When Tori came home to silence, she frowned. Normally on her day off, Jade would be sprawled on the couch marathoning movies or shows on Netflix.

"Jade?" She called, putting her jacket and shoes away and dropping her bag. She looked around the apartment and, not finding her, headed into the bedroom. "Jade." She breathed. Her girlfriend was curled up in the corner of their room, staring blankly in front of her. "Jade, what happened? How long have you been here? You're freezing!" Tori dropped to her knees beside her and wrapped her in a fleece blanket from their bed. Kneeling in front of her, Tori peered into her eyes. "Jade? Babe, what happened?" she asked softly, gently taking her girlfriend's freezing hands and blowing on them to warm them. Slowly, the girl's eyes focussed on the tan girl in front of her.

"P'rents." She mumbled, blinking slowly, eyes still showing shock. Warm lips brushed across Jade's knuckles, and her eyes slowly focussed on Tori's hands.

"What happened with your parents, baby?" Tori asked hesitantly, still warming Jade's hands in hers. There was a long, bruised silence.

"There was an accident." Jade finally spoke, some life finally returning to her eyes. They filled with tears and she shut them, letting her head fall against the wall with a loud thump. "They're dead, Tori. They're dead." She whispered harshly into the silent room, letting the words fly out at last. Tori watched as she crumbled, her face contorting in pain and her body folding in on itself, as she bowed her head to her knees, sobbing hysterically. Helplessly, Tori pulled her into her lap as Jade wept into her neck.

"I...I'm sorry, Jade." Tori pressed kisses gently to her temple, rubbing her back soothingly as she cried.

"They're never coming back." Jade whimpered, her lungs burning from her stuttered breathing. For once, Tori had nothing to say back.

"I'm sorry." She finally whispered again, wrapping her arms around her as Jade's fingers clutched at her shirt tightly, face still buried in her neck as tears continued to pour.

* * *

After what seemed like hours, Jade's body finally stopped shaking with sobs and she fell asleep in Tori's arms. Though she gave a small sigh of relief, Tori knew that the night was going to be a long one. Careful not to jostle her, the singer stood with her girlfriend in her arms and tucked her into their bed, turning on the bedside lamps to cast a soft, comforting glow in the bedroom. After taking a quick shower, Tori changed into some more comfortable clothes and made herself some coffee, settling in with study materials beside Jade to be there for her.

* * *

She'd only been asleep for what seemed like seconds before her mind conjured up grotesque images of her parents' broken bodies. Over and over again, her brain came up with different scenarios of how the crash happened, each one more ghastly and gory than the first. With no way to wake herself, Jade watched in horror as she witnessed her parents' deaths in full, graphic detail.

Tori had only settled in for about a half an hour before her attention was diverted by soft whimpering coming from Jade's side of the bed. Setting her laptop and papers on the bedside table, she wriggled beneath the covers to lie beside her girlfriend, pulling the girl into her arms and rubbing her back.

"Shh...it's just a dream, Jade. I'm right here. Just a dream. Nobody's gonna hurt you. I'm right here, baby." She murmured soothing words as the girl settled down and her breathing calmed. With her girlfriend sprawled across her body, Tori shuffled towards the center of the bed and made room for her laptop, continuing to stay awake as she kept watch over Jade. Throughout the rest of the night, Tori continued to have to comfort the girl. Every hour or so, Jade would either start whimpering or start crying out in her sleep. A few times, she woke up to the softly lit bedroom and the comforting warmth of Tori's arms around her, and she always fell asleep quickly afterwards.

* * *

"Hey." Tori blinked a couple of times as she woke, to the sound of Jade's voice. Her girlfriend had stacked her hands on her stomach and rested her chin on them, watching Tori as she slept.

"Hey." Tori replied, voice hoarse with sleep as she smiled sadly at Jade. She rested a hand gently on the side of her girlfriend's face. "How're you feeling?" She murmured, rubbing her thumb over her cheek. Jade shrugged.

"Sad. But better now." She gave a half-smile. "Thanks for...you know. Being...here."

"I'm always here for you." Tori reassured her, lacing their fingers together. Jade shuffled up and leaned over, pressing her lips gently against Tori.

"I know. Thank you." She mumbled into their kiss. "I love you so much." She pulled back and met amber eyes. "I love you so much." She whispered again as tears sprang into her eyes, pressing their lips together again. "You're the closest thing to family I have left anymore." Pulling back, she smiled sadly at her girlfriend. Tori framed Jade's face in her hands, leaning their foreheads together.

"I will always be here for you. Waiting for you to come home." She breathed, tears shining in her eyes. "I know it hurts right now, but one day, you'll remember them and who they were and it won't hurt anymore. And they will always, _always_, be here in your heart." She murmured, placing a hand gently over Jade's heart.

"I love you." Jade breathed again, tears falling as she buried her face in the crook of Tori's neck.

"And I, you."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Short little one-shot after being in the doghouse for two weeks. _Man, _did she make me work to get out of it. **

* * *

She hated when Tori gave her the silent treatment. The singer didn't do it often, but when she did, Jade hated every single moment of it. The worst part was that she didn't even know what she did wrong. Not that Tori would _tell_ her. That would be _way_ too easy. So Jade slept on the couch for three days, racking her poor, overworked brain for anything that she could have done wrong in the past three weeks. After the fourth day, she was exhausted. Hearing a key turn in the lock, Jade stumbled to the door, throwing herself at Tori's feet.

"I can't take it anymore! What did I do? How can I make this right? Please, babe you have to tell me. This is _killing_ me!" Jade begged, hoping her girlfriend would see her pleading eyes and relent at last. Tori sighed, hanging up her coat and placing her shoes in the coat closet before heading to their room to drop off her bag, with Jade slinking pathetically behind her.

"You really don't know?" She finally spoke, and Jade almost cried in relief. She _missed_ Tori's voice, and the singer was strict about the silent treatment, having not uttered a single word to Jade in the past four days.

"Tor, you know if I knew I'd be trying to make it right. I've been thinking for like four days and I have no idea what I've done!" Jade was a straightforward person, and usually Tori was as well. The problem occurred whenever Tori thought that Jade _should_ know something that they hadn't previously explicitly discussed. "Babe, you know I'm an idiot and you have to spell things out. Just tell me what I did wrong and I will _fix it_." Jade pleaded, gently taking Tori's hand, relieved when she didn't pull away.

"You keep dropping my hand." Tori finally murmured, staring at her feet. Jade's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, not understanding what the brunette meant.

"Babe, I don't..."

"In public. Whenever we run into someone we know, if we were holding hands, you drop it." Tori explained, still staring pointedly at her feet, not wanting to see the other girl's reaction. Realization dawned on Jade, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Instantly, Tori looked up. "What, you don't think it's a big deal?" Hurt swam in her amber eyes as she heard the sigh.

"No, babe. _No_." Jade's hands gently cupped her face, smoothing her thumbs over her cheeks. "I'm just relieved that I finally know. I didn't even know I did that until Beck told me." Tori frowned at the mention of the boy. "He said I did that when we were dating too. It's not that I'm ashamed of you, Tor. I'm not. I just get self-conscious. You know how I am about feelings and stuff. I know it's not an excuse. So, I'll try to be better. Just, you know, give me an elbow or something if I do it again, okay?" When the singer nodded, Jade leaned in, groaning in relief as their lips finally touched. "God, I've missed you." Tan fingers found the belt loops and tugged Jade in closer.

"Yeah?" Tori purred, as Jade's hands squeezed her waist. The singer wriggled out of Jade's arms walked towards the bedroom, hips swaying. Jade trailed after her, eyes drawn to her hips.

"Yeah." She growled, before reaching for Tori once more.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I'm sorry I keep putting characters in the hospital. I am. Really. Sorry.**

* * *

Her chest felt like it was caving in, closing in on her lungs and she couldn't breathe. Her entire body trembled, and she didn't know why. _"Hi, is this Victoria Vega?" "Yes, that's me." "It says here you're Ms. Jade West's emergency contact?" "Y-yes, that's correct. I'm sorry, who is this?" "I'm calling from Cedars-Sinai. There's been an accident." "W-w-wha...is Jade okay?" "I'd prefer to not disclose details over the phone, but you should probably get here as soon as possible."_ Her pulse beat furiously in her temples, the throbbing in time with the pain behind her eyes. Her head was in her hands, and she dug the heels of her palms in her eyes. She couldn't muster up any tears, her body feeling cold and the expression on her face mirroring the shock that coursed like ice through her veins. _Jade could die._ Air rushed to her lungs as she gasped, the first lucid thought popping to the front of her mind as she sat in the waiting room. Her hands covered her mouth as she stared blankly ahead, the thought wrapping itself around her mind, implanting itself in her brain and taking over her thoughts. Her girlfriend had been in surgery for eight hours already, and that's how long Tori had been sitting in this chair, thoughts scrambling wildly as her mind provided her with a selection of possible scenarios, each one more gruesome than the last. They said she had been in a car accident; Tori had been in rehearsal when she got the call. Jade had been heading over to surprise her after her session at the studio, when the other car t-boned hers. _"It was a drunk driver. He was driving a pickup, and going full speed into the intersection,"_ the officer had informed her. _"Her car flipped, and she was trapped inside. When they brought her in I couldn't even tell she was still alive."_ Her breath stuck in her throat as the words rang clear in her mind. "_I couldn't even tell she was still alive."_ The passing of Jade's parents just half a year ago meant that there was no one except for Tori in the room, and to the singer every tick of the clock echoed in the confining space, the seconds ticking past too quickly and not quickly enough, all at the same time, leaving the singer to wonder just how long Jade could hold on for.

It ended up being a 12-hour long surgery.

When the masked surgeon finally pushed his way out to see her in the waiting room, Tori stood slowly, legs weak. As he pulled down his mask, it was evident the doctor was exhausted. His face grim, he turned to her.

"You're Victoria?" She nodded silently, fingernails digging into her palms painfully as she clenched her hands into fists. The doctor rubbed at the back of his neck, sighing. "She'll make a full recovery, which is a miracle, because she flat-lined a couple of times while we were trying to find all the internal bleeding. But she's shaky right now, she needs her rest. She's very lucky." Finally, the surgeon gave her a tired smile. Tori reached out and shook his hand.

"Thank you," she whispered, relief flowing through her body, once cold with shock, flooding it with warmth. The doctor nodded and gave her another tired smile, before turning and heading to the break room. The nurse who took her information when she came into the hospital gestured to Tori to follow her, and led her to Jade's room. "Thanks." Tori whispered, before slipping through the door and closing it quietly behind her. The entire left side of her girlfriend's body was either mottled with bruising or wrapped in bandages, and her left arm was in a cast. A brace encased her left knee, and Tori assumed it was sprained. With a soft sigh, the singer settled herself down in a chair and resigned herself to a difficult couple of days. She slid a hand gently onto her girlfriend's arm, over her pulse. The beating beneath her fingers reassured her, and she fell into what would be a fitful sleep.

* * *

Amber eyes snapped open at the soft clearing of a throat.

"Jade." She breathed, eyes flickering over her girlfriend to make sure she was safe. A sigh of relief escaped from her lips as she met confused emerald eyes. "Thirsty?" Jade nodded, wincing as she moved her head. "Don't move." Tori chided softly, pouring her a glass of water and helping her take a couple of sips. They sat in silence, Tori gently brushing her thumb over the back of Jade's hand.

"Sorry." Jade finally spoke hoarsely. Tori shook her head, tears springing to her eyes. Swiping at her eyes, she took a deep breath to compose herself.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, babe." The singer smiled, tears welling in her eyes. "I'm just so happy you're here." Jade reached up to wipe away a stray tear with a thumb, sighing.

"I wanted to surprise you." She chuckled, wincing a little and placing a hand over her ribs. "I guess I did kind of." She smiled sheepishly, slipping her hand back into Tori's.

"Yeah," Tori sighed, running a hand through her hair tiredly, before pleating a kiss gently on Jade's forehead.

"I really am sorry, Tor. I'm sorry you had to go through that." Jade reached up to cup Tori's cheek. "How long did you have to...wait?"

"You were in surgery for twelve hours. Out for 3 days after that." Tori leaned into Jade's hand. Jade sighed.

"I'm sorry, babe. I really am." Tori smiled, shaking her head.

"It's okay. You're alive. Nothing else matters."


	7. Chapter 7

She said she was going to be okay; nodded and smiled as she watched her girlfriend's back retreat through the gate, tapped out the beat of the song on the radio on the drive home, went to all her classes the next day, made it through rehearsals. But it was on the third night that Jade was gone that Tori really started to feel the absence. The little things, like doing the dishes alone, brought a pang of loneliness. When she finally crawled into bed and stared at the ceiling, the tears came. _Jade's going to be gone for two whole weeks and it's only the third day,_ she thought as she cried silently, burying her face into Jade's pillow. It smelled faintly of something distinctly Jade. The slight spiciness of cardamom, the soothing lull of rose oil and something else, something Tori had never really been able to put her finger on. But the combination of scents brought tears back into her eyes, and the singer cried herself to sleep.

* * *

_You've still got half a week to get through, come on!_ Tori sighed as she unlocked the door to their apartment, letting herself in. As was the case with this past week and a half, there were no sounds of cartoons or cop shows blaring from the TV, and the ringing silence pressed against her ears. Flipping on the radio, the singer sighed and headed straight for the shower, the loneliness hitting her square in the chest as she passed by the empty couch.

* * *

She was towelling her hair dry when the faint sound of the television filtered into the bedroom, and she frowned. _No one else with a key, unless someone broke in?_ Wiping her damp hands on her sweatpants, she padded cautiously out to the living room.

"Jade?" Tori gasped, hands over her mouth in surprise. "W-wha? You're supposed to be in New York for another three days!" The singer ran and collapsed into her girlfriend's lap, crashing their lips together. Jade, though surprised, quickly leaned into the kiss, grabbing the singer's hips to prevent her from falling.

"Yeah, they didn't really need me the whole time. I told them you were back here and they said I could go a couple of days early." She grinned, as Tori leaned her own forehead against Jade's. "You do okay?" Tori shook her head.

"I thought I'd be okay, but I was a mess." She chuckled, affectionately carding a hand through long, inky hair. Gently grasping her chin, Jade pulled her into a gentle kiss, breaking apart slowly.

"I'm sorry. But I'm here now."


End file.
